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One of the biggest goals for most people in recovery is to avoid making the same mistakes that they made in the past and to instead make healthier decisions. As you move through the process of recovery, remember that the best use for your old mistakes is to learn from them, forgive yourself, and accept yourself as you are. The psychological component of your recovery is best served by receiving therapy, developing healthy emotional outlets, and understanding the importance of treating yourself with kindness, grace, and forgiveness--both the you that you are now, and the you that you were in the past.
A Question of Identity
A common stumbling block for people in recovery is the temptation to think and speak in a way that creates distance between your past self and your present self. “That was the old me,” you might say. “He was a jerk. I’m nothing like that. I’m a different person now. I’d never do those things.” We say these things as if they’ll protect us from the possibility that we might suffer from the choices we made before we knew better.
Despite the fact that this distancing comes from a place of wishing to move past your mistakes and no longer be identified with them, this behavior makes recovery harder on you in the long run. It’s important to accept the fact that your past self was you; you made those decisions and faced those consequences. This can be a hard pill to swallow, but it’s the only way to reach true healing. You must accept that even though you made mistakes, you’re worthy of a good life and are capable of change.
It’s understandable if you feel shame, regret, or self-loathing when thinking about the ways you used to behave and the decisions you used to make. Remember, those same negative emotions are some of the most powerful driving forces that lead people to hide their substance use, isolate themselves from people who could help them, and dig deeper into their addictive behaviors. Letting yourself make decisions motivated by these negative emotions only prolongs the suffering you’ll inflict upon yourself instead of putting your problems into the light and dealing with them for good.
Forgive, but Don’t Forget
Note that forgiving yourself for your mistakes is not the same as forgetting the lessons they’ve taught you. You know what they say about those who don’t learn from history-- don’t doom yourself to repeating the same errors because you let go of the past so completely that you forgot to grow from your experiences.
Practice actively recalling the lessons you’ve learned from your past mistakes by identifying similar crossroads when they appear before you. Think about what the old you would have done in a challenging situation and logically follow the results of that old decision all the way through. Where did your old actions get you? Were they worth it? Dig into your old motivations: what made you act the way you did? What were your goals? What are your goals now? Which choices should you make differently to ensure you don’t return to the same old negative consequences? Asking yourself these tough questions can break you out of the knee-jerk responses that you may default to and force you to reckon with the results of your actions.
Embracing Yourself Across the Board
No matter what you’ve done, you’re capable of change. You can’t go back in time and alter your past. All you can focus on is what you can do differently, starting right now. Extending kindness, understanding, and forgiveness to your old self means doing the same to your present self. Only once you admit that the two selves are the same, continuous person can your attempts to recover affect the parts of you that were making those unhealthy decisions in the past.
Whether you’re seeing a therapist, opening up to a group of peers, or living in a sober space designed to make your recovery successful, it’s of utmost importance that you are honest with yourself and with others about the depth of your mistakes. You’re not here to be judged. You have no recourse to fear or shame to feel. You’re here to get every part of yourself into the open so the parts that need healing can receive it. The more you forgive yourself and allow yourself to admit to the unsavory parts of your identity, past and present, the easier a time you’ll have getting to work on improving those aspects of yourself.
Getting sober is the start of your journey of self-improvement. As you move into your new future, it’s critical that you have strong emotional and social support on your side to help you learn from your mistakes and build your renewed identity upon honesty and self-acceptance. Having professional support can make an enormous impact upon the success of your transition into responsible, clean living. At START UP RECOVERY, we know that recovery doesn’t end at detox; it’s a lifelong process that will see you totally transform nearly every aspect of your life as part of your ultimate goal to live sober and achieve your highest potential. We provide a state-of-the-art living facility for those in recovery to press the reset button on their lives and rebuild themselves by their own design. We take a personalized approach to ensure that you have everything you could possibly need to make your recovery a lasting success. Call us at (310) 773-3809 to learn more.